Lucky Socks

Here's a picture of my lucky socks and the lovely lavendar sachet my elfster sent me. They seemed to work friday so I'm hoping they'll bring us our christmas BFP w/ this FET. I don't know if my elfster knew but I've always loved angels and have felt like I had a gaurdian angel watching over me at times. So lucky socks w/ angels were incredibly appropriate. Wearing them make me feel much more confident and positive about this cycle. I really love them and having them for this last cycle means a lot. Here's to 2010 being a lucky year for all of us.

We're Back on Track

We're on our way to our FET again. I had my baseline u/s and b/w this morning (a story in itself) and it came back fine. I started estrace, 3 orally and 1 vaginally daily. I have my lining check on September 2 and if it's nice and fluffy we'll do our FET around 9/9.

So yesterday at work was insane and crazy and I called the monitoring clinic once and didn't get the scheduler. Someone came up so I didn't get a chance to leave a message and then I didn't get a chance to call them back. So I got up and got there at 7 nd threw myself on their mercy, they didn't have time to work me in then but had an opening at 8:30 so I take it.

I leave and go to work and sign in early then leave and take lunch and head over. I get there and there's a man sitting in the waiting area w/ a little girl who's probably about 3. Normally I don't see having kids there as a big deal, it's rude but oh well, however they don't allow children in the treatment area so he basically came to sit w/ the little girl, my question is why. He couldn't go back w/ his wife so why not just stay at home w/ the little girl while the wife went to the appointment? Then the wife comes out and proceeds to fix the little girl's hair in the waiting room. Now I could understand this if it was a hot day but it was still very cool why not take her out to the car and fix her hair there? Anyway the whole situation just bugged me.

all that matters though is that we're set, I've started my meds and w/ a little luck in abut 4 weeks I'll be officially ku.

No Go

Dr. wants to cancel, between my thyroid and my lining only being an 8 he thinks it's smarter to start fresh and try next month.

He want to get my TSH down a little more and get my lining thicker. Hopefully next month will go better.

This cmpletely sucks. :(

Happy Anniversary to Us.

Banks and I celebrated our anniversary last night. We went to the melting pot and it was fun. We had a lovely night out and really enjoyed ourselves.

I'm getting anxious for our fet. I'll be going in for my lining check Friday and we'll know then if we're all set. I feel really good about things and I'm a lot less nervous than w/ our fresh. I'm hoping that's a good sign.

I'm really ready to start looking into adoption if this fet doesn't work, we may still do one last fet just b/c we can but I don't think I can do this for much longer.

I look at some of the women who have been pursuing this for years and I can't imagine the strength it takes to keep at it time after time. I'm ready to look to the next step and focus on being a Mom.

That's the update.

FUIF

Got the tsh back and according to their lab it's 28.2
I almost lost it right then and there at work out of frustration. The nurse thinks it might be a lab error so she wants me to retest tomorrow at a different lab to double check it.

I can't believe it went from .26 to 28.2 in 1 month while on meds. I could see it getting high but for it to get that high I'd almost have to be on no meds at all.

I'm trying to hold onto hope that it is lab error but right now I just want to say FUIF and break something. I'm so tired of this crap and I just want to be able to cycle already.

Part of it was I really felt great about the timing, I'd be due in early May before it got ridiculously hot. My mom would only be able to come for a few days for the birth and then have to go back to work until June which would give me time to adjust w/o her breathing down my neck.

I'm trying not to cry out of frustration right now. I'm so sick of having to plan our lives around IF and I hate being stuck at my job b/c I need time off for IF treatments and don't want to waste time building up time at a new job first. Not to mention needing the money.

Basically I'm sad, angry and frustrated. I'll update tomorrow.


"Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want some. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing.”
Eric Hoffer

Froggie went A-Courting

I had the strangest thing happen today that seemed like a really good sign so I wanted to post about it. (even if it's really silly)

Growing up my godmother and godfather would sing Froggie went A-Courting to me when we were hanging out.

They were battling IF for the second time struggling to have baby #2 b/c of endo so they spent a lot of time w/ me and have always treated me as their honorary daughter so I heard it a lot. They did eventually have a little girl when I was older and she and I are very close.

Today I was driving to the store on my lunch break and I notice this little tree frog sitting on the front of my car. I watched it the whole way to Ta*rget and it stayed there. When I got there I parked by some trees and it didn't move and I chased it off and then it jumped on me (on my stomach)then onto the ground.

For some reason it felt like a sign that things were going to work out. For some reason it felt like the frog represented us trying and if it made it we'd have our baby. This was also just after I'd talked to my Endocrinologist's nurse about rechecking my tsh and set that up. Silly or not it felt good to feel real hope again that the FET will work and I will be a Mom.

Frog went a-courtin', and he did ride.
With a sword and a pistol by his side, Uh-huh
-Froggie Went A-Courtin'
Bob Dylan

Bring on the Rain

I got a pregnacy anouncement that hit me hard. Normally they don't really bother me beyond a minor twinge but this one really hurt.

My godbrother/family friend and his wife are expecting due in January. I'm very happy for them they are both great people but it hurts. Their due date is the same as ours would of been if our cycle had worked hit me hard. On top of that I'm freaking out that it's going to take forever to get my TSH back up and we won't be able to cycle for months, then it won't work and we'll be waiting another year+ to adopt. Basically my mind is heding into the worst case scenario territory which is SO SO SO not good for me.

I'm going to take a long bath w/ an adult beverage watch a sappy movie and cry it out. :(

Tomorrows another day
And Im thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
JoDee Messina

Beachin' it

Banks and I are headed to the beach for the long weekend :)
We're going w/ J&C and Munch as well as another couple that I don't know as well but they're dealing w/ IF and had a m/c a couple months ago.

I'm looking forward to getting away, even though the weather is suppossed to be awful. I'm planning to do lots of reading and knitting and chitchatting.

I'm hoping it's going to be a nice low key relaxing and fun long weekend. If nothing else it'll be nice to get away for a few days.

No news on the cycle of course. Starting to hope we can shoot for a mid- June instead of end of June ET. And we are planning to take the chance of twins and transfer 2 this time. I'd still prefer a singleton but twins would be good too.

My Angel

Thanks so much Rebecca&Nathan for the lovely Angel of Hope. The card was too cute as well. I needed the symbol of hope so much to keep the faith for our FET.

Tarah thanks for setting up the exchange, it really helped make M day easier having something to look forward to.

ETA: by request, the card is in French, it's a print of an old underwear advertisement. It says "try them you will jump for joy". It has these adorable animals w/ tighty whities, it's very cute and funny.