Good News!!!

The retest came back at 3.2 which is a little high but fine. The Endocrinologist is going to readjust my meds a tiny bit but has greenlighted the cycle.

Our best guess is that a lab tech wrote 282 and put the decimal in the wrong spot.

Anyway, I'm extremely excited and can't wait to move forward w/ our fet. I'll be starting estrace tomorrow and then having a lining check August 10!

I'm so excited. I feel like this is a good sign, despite the craziness of yesterday.

FUIF

Got the tsh back and according to their lab it's 28.2
I almost lost it right then and there at work out of frustration. The nurse thinks it might be a lab error so she wants me to retest tomorrow at a different lab to double check it.

I can't believe it went from .26 to 28.2 in 1 month while on meds. I could see it getting high but for it to get that high I'd almost have to be on no meds at all.

I'm trying to hold onto hope that it is lab error but right now I just want to say FUIF and break something. I'm so tired of this crap and I just want to be able to cycle already.

Part of it was I really felt great about the timing, I'd be due in early May before it got ridiculously hot. My mom would only be able to come for a few days for the birth and then have to go back to work until June which would give me time to adjust w/o her breathing down my neck.

I'm trying not to cry out of frustration right now. I'm so sick of having to plan our lives around IF and I hate being stuck at my job b/c I need time off for IF treatments and don't want to waste time building up time at a new job first. Not to mention needing the money.

Basically I'm sad, angry and frustrated. I'll update tomorrow.


"Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want some. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing.”
Eric Hoffer

Testing

So AF showed on schedule Friday, and I e-mailed the clinic to set up things on the hope that my TSH is normal. The nurse L said to set up my baseline u/s and bloodwork, which includes TSH, for Monday. The only issue is that the monitoring clinic here hd closed for the weekend 30 minutes before. So I have to schedule it Monday morning. Tuesday should be allright, correct? I'm on HRT and I've stopped it so it should be fine, I think. If not I guess I'll have to try to get in and take lunch and go.

I'm so nervous. I'm so ready for this FET. So I'm hoping that I can get the baseline stuff done and then start the process. I'm worried that my TSH won't be normal and I won't be able to go forward right now.

Anyway, if you don't mind sending good thoughts my way that the TSH and all other levels are where they should be I'd really appreciate it.

Froggie went A-Courting

I had the strangest thing happen today that seemed like a really good sign so I wanted to post about it. (even if it's really silly)

Growing up my godmother and godfather would sing Froggie went A-Courting to me when we were hanging out.

They were battling IF for the second time struggling to have baby #2 b/c of endo so they spent a lot of time w/ me and have always treated me as their honorary daughter so I heard it a lot. They did eventually have a little girl when I was older and she and I are very close.

Today I was driving to the store on my lunch break and I notice this little tree frog sitting on the front of my car. I watched it the whole way to Ta*rget and it stayed there. When I got there I parked by some trees and it didn't move and I chased it off and then it jumped on me (on my stomach)then onto the ground.

For some reason it felt like a sign that things were going to work out. For some reason it felt like the frog represented us trying and if it made it we'd have our baby. This was also just after I'd talked to my Endocrinologist's nurse about rechecking my tsh and set that up. Silly or not it felt good to feel real hope again that the FET will work and I will be a Mom.

Frog went a-courtin', and he did ride.
With a sword and a pistol by his side, Uh-huh
-Froggie Went A-Courtin'
Bob Dylan

Counting Down

I'm anxiously waiting to get my TSH checked. I could go next week or the week after that. Part of me wants to wait an extra week just to be safe and give it the best chance. I'm so ready to know though so I don't know if I can handle aiting an extra week.

I'm really hoping that we can cycle in August, looking at the calendar I think it's going to be August 21st at the soonest. We could try to make August 14 work but it would be a stretch to get everything lined up by then.

Anyway, I'm so ready I'm tired of waiting and I'm really hoping to be ready to go ASAP.

There's not much else going on we had a great long weekend at the beach which was really nice. Other than that it's the same old thing.

Waiting

I'm soo tired of waiting. I'm really hoping things start moving ASAP, we've got ~ 3 weeks until TSH is tested. I'd love, love, love to do the FET August 14 or 21. I don't think I can take another month of waiting. I'm having a really hard time w. it right now.

I'm ready to move forward and either start our family or start working on adoption. I'm still worried about the time adoption takes and the fact that I could be pushing 31 by the time it happens if we go that route and we wait too much longer to start.

I'm just so ready to be a mom and have my life start again. Right now it feels like I'm in limbo just waiting for the next step to happen. I can't get a new job until we're done w/ cycling b/c I wouldn't have time off to travel. I can't quit the job I hate b/c we need the money and the insurance coverage. I just want to be able to make decisions that aren't controlled by IF and our cycling.

I had a good time saturday w/ our friends and they're newborn. He was adorable and I feed him his bottle and cuddled him for a while after dinner. It was so close to what I want so badly that it was bitter sweet.

Bottom line I'm frustrated and ready for something to happen so we can either cycle and (hopefully) get pregnant or be able to start working on adopting.

“None of us knows what the next change is going to be, what unexpected opportunity is just around the corner, waiting a few months or a few years to change all the tenor of our lives.”
Kathleen Norris

All Quiet on the Western Front

Time is passing and I'm doing better.  I'm looking forward to a nice weekend so I just have to get through tomorrow.
The only issue w/ the weekend is that we're having our friends who just had a baby over Saturday and it'll be the first time I've seen the baby.  Usually that's not a problem for me, pregnant women hurt but babies are just precious but I'm a little nervous about it so any good thoughts would be appreciated.
 
Outside of that Banks and I had a nice date night tonight and it was fun. 
 
I also totally splurged and ordered a Kindle DX, fingers crossed I don't regret it.  I think I'll get a lot of use out of it and I'm hoping it'll keep us from needing a 6th bookcase that we have no room for.  I'd been saving up for a while and decided that's what I wanted to spend it on.  We've been doing really well w/ savings and we have enough for our FET trip (whenever it happens) so I decided to indulge in a bit of retail therapy and get it.

Bring on the Rain

I got a pregnacy anouncement that hit me hard. Normally they don't really bother me beyond a minor twinge but this one really hurt.

My godbrother/family friend and his wife are expecting due in January. I'm very happy for them they are both great people but it hurts. Their due date is the same as ours would of been if our cycle had worked hit me hard. On top of that I'm freaking out that it's going to take forever to get my TSH back up and we won't be able to cycle for months, then it won't work and we'll be waiting another year+ to adopt. Basically my mind is heding into the worst case scenario territory which is SO SO SO not good for me.

I'm going to take a long bath w/ an adult beverage watch a sappy movie and cry it out. :(

Tomorrows another day
And Im thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
JoDee Messina