Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year, 2009

Here's hoping that 2009 is an awesome year w/ a BFP for us.

I'm going to list my resolutions here, hopefully that'll help me stick w/ them.
1) Read 50 books this year (I'll do a review as I finish them)
2) Drink 96 oz of H2O a day (bought sports bottles today to use at work)
3) Use our fine china AT LEAST once a month.
4) Loose some more weight before we cycle. (by March)

With a little luck this year will be better than 2008 and will end w/ a healthy happy baby. Happy New Year's Everyone!

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughan

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Holiday Wrap Up

Christmas was great. We had a wonderful visit w/ my family and there was NO traffic driving back n Christmas Eve. Christmas day was nice and as always we had a terrific time w/ Banks' family.

I'm looking forward to the New Year. I'm really hoping it'll be a better than 2008. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Here we go

New update Banks and I are now planning (hoping) to transfer in March and will be selecting a donor at the beginning of January. If there are no problems that would put us transferring between the beginning of March and very early April depending on the donor's AF.

Some things came up and it made April difficult and I was NOT waiting until May. So here we go. I was looking at the donor list today and there are about 7 single cycle and 2 split cycle donors that I like and are available as of right now. I e-mailed Pati for info on their previous cycles and we'll see how that looks and go from there.

I can't believe it's FINALLY happening! I'm so excited and terrified at the same time. I'm aware it might not be successful and that scares me but I can't wait to try no matter what happens!

And I have to confess I had ~ $15 left on my FSA and I bought a 2 pack digital pregnancy test. I know I want to test the day of so I'm prepared for the result and I figured since I loose the FSA money Jan. 1 why not.

Hopefully I'll have more to blog about as things get moving over the next few months.

People need dreams, there's as much nourishment in 'em as food.
Dorothy Gilman

Friday, December 5, 2008

Speaking Out!

Thanks to Andrea at Bella and Her Fella for honoring me w/ the Speak Out, Speak Up Award!

In some ways it's easy for me to be open because so many people in my life know my medical situation and have been incredibly supportive of me. Having that foundation has made it so much easier to be open to others.
I've also come to realize that sharing makes things easier to take, the good is even better, and the bad is easier to take. Sharing our journey has been one of the best decisions I've made. Here's hoping 2009 is the year of BFPs!

Passing this to

The elegance of honesty needs no adornment.
Merry Browne

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


Well blah. We're back to cycling in April. There are various reasons that make it the better choice even though it stinks that I'll potentially have to wait a year to start my masters if it doesn't work. I'm choosing to take it as a positive sign that it will work since there were lots of stumbling blocks to doing it earlier. I'm going w/ the fact that we won't need a fall back plan so we're being prevented from making one. It's ridiculously optimistic but it makes me feel better.

We had a good but VERY busy Thanksgiving. We went to my parents Weds night and celebrated T'giving on Thursday, which was nice. Friday we got up packed, had lunch and headed home. Friday night our good friends J & C and their son, our godson (Munch), stayed w/ us.

Saturday we all went to MIL's Iron Bowl brunch and then DH and I babysat Munch until after the game. Alabama won so Banks was ecstatic. Now if they can just win the SEC championship this weekend Alabama will be in the National Championship.

Other than that things are quiet, just taking it a day at the time and things are going along fairly quickly. I can't believe it's already December.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Best Laid Plans

We may be cycling sooner than planned! I found out about a master's program I want to do and DH thinks it's a good idea. I refuse to postpone cycling again so we're thinking about cycling in Feb/early March so I can get my application in if it doesn't work. No decision yet but I hope we'll make one this weekend so I can make plans.

I figure that way the cycle ends in good news, sort of, either way. Either I'm pregnant (Big YEA) or I get to get my master's in ED and start teaching (small Yea). Hopefully having something I'm happy about (school) to focus on if the cycle doesn't work will help me get through a BFN just a little easier. I don't think anything could make it not hurt but I do better when I'm busy and have something to focus on. Plus once I start teaching we'll be able to save that much quicker for adoption.

So basically this time next year, if we go w/ this plan, I'll either be pregnant (fingers crossed) or in school getting certified to teach. I'm definitely hoping it's the former but I feel better already about the possibility of a BFN knowing that I'd have something to fall back on.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men do Oft Go Awry.
Robert Burns

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Tag your it

Wow! JoJo at Hope ( tagged me in this fun little tag! Thanks, I love doing these things!
Here's how it goes... Just answer all questions in 1 word (I'll try the best I can!)... And pass onto 7 other bloggers.

1. Where is your cell phone? - bedroom
2. Where is your significant other? - den
3. Your color? - blonde
4. Your Mother? - stressful
5. Your father? - immature
6. Your favorite thing? - sentimental
7. Your dream last night? - none
8. Your dream/goal? - pregnancy
9. The room you're in? - bedroom
10. Your hobby? - knitting/reading
11. You're fear? - being alone
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? - a great mom
13. Where were you last night? - out w/ friends
14. What you're not? - perfect
15. One of your wish list items? - perfect healthy baby & a money tree
16. Where you grew up? - the south
17. The last thing you did? - dinner with the in-laws :)
18. What are you wearing? - t-shirt and jeans
19. Your tv? - Watching Brothers and Sisters
20. Your pet? - sheltie
21. Your computer? - laptop
22. Your mood? - tired
23. Missing someone? - always
24. Your car? - cute (mustang)
25. Something you're not wearing? - shoes
26. Favorite store? Barnes and Noble
27. Your summer? - 4 months
28. Love someone? - Always
29. Your favorite color? - blue
30. When the last time you laughed? - tonight at the in-laws
31. Last time you cried? - 2 weeks ago, work related. :(
I'll tag my blog list if you haven't done it!

Thursday, November 6, 2008


I had my hsg today and it went well. Everything looks great and no visible problems.
Also had my lining check and I had a nice thick lining. The nurse wouldn't give me #s but said several times that it was "nice and plump", or "thick".
Hopefully Pati will get in touch tomorrow and give me details.

It was my first experience w/ the wand so that was a little different.

HSG wasn't bad at all. Uncomfortable but not that painful. I'm glad it's over though. I'm crampy now but it's not that bad, no worse than AF.

Two more things off the to do list, I love checking them off!

Pain is never permanent.
- Saint Teresa of Avila

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Don’t forget to vote today! There are few things that are more important than our right to vote and influence the people who are going to lead our country.

If you don’t vote and aren’t happy with the results you have no one to blame but yourself!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!

Things are good; I’m taking my estrace 3 times a day for the mock cycle, but that’s pretty much all that’s going on. I’ll have the ultrasound on Thursday to see if it’s enough or needs to be increased for the actual cycle. Hoping for a nice fluffy lining, I really don’t want to have to worry about that during the real cycle.

I’ll also have the HSG that afternoon. I think I’m going to drive myself but I’m a little nervous about that though. I’m planning to take my ipod and a book so I can hang out if I’m not ready to drive home right away. I’ve heard the HSG isn’t that bad and that it really hurts, I’m hoping I’m lucky and it won’t be that bad, I was told to take a couple of Tylenol a little before it so hopefully that’ll help.

Saturday we’re hanging out with friends so that should be fun. I’m hoping we can get our Christmas card photo taken this weekend. I really want to get it done, I really don’t want to be rushing trying to get the cards out this year.

No big Halloween plans we’re just having dinner w/ the In Laws and then watching a movie at home. Happy haunting everyone!

Fear is nature's warning signal to get busy.- - - Henry C. Link

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


I'm happy today, we're making progress again!!!
I have my hsg scheduled and I'll be doing my mock cycle starting tomorrow! Finally we're making progress again. I can already tell the time from November to January, then February and March is going to be to torture since the last few weeks w/ nothing was making me antsy.

Not looking forward to the HSG but I'm excited to have it done. Also looking forward to seeing how my lining responds to the estrogen and if I need to do anything different to plump it up.

Oh and ROLL TIDE! 8-0 rocks!

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
-- Joseph Addison

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


I was feeling really stressed about the cost of cycling earlier this week. Our good friends are going on an awesome trip to Napa Valley next month and when we hung out the other weekend it was understandably a big topic of conversation.

It made me feel so so down about the situation we're in. I wouldn't trade cycling for anything but if we didn't have to pay a crazy amount of money to have a baby we could do so many cool things. It's just so frusterating sometimes when we are doing so great w/ saving and we don't get to do fun stuff w/ that money.

We are going to take a small trip in the next month or so we could use some time away together nad it'll be fun. We just have to figure out what's in the budget,

The good news is I checked w/ my insurance and the monitoring will be completely covered. All
my ultrasounds/bloodwork will be paid for! So that's totally awesome news.

Other than that it's the same old same here!

"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however."
-- Richard David Bach

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Picture Day

I'm so proud of myself, I knitted this hat in less than a week. It's got a few imperfections but I really enjoyed doing it!

Moving Along

Yippee! I heard from Pati this morning, well I called her since I hadn't heard from her. Turns out she had entered my e-mail wrong and so I didn't get her e-mail. She resent it to the correct address and now I'm all set to move forward w/ hsg and mock cycle starting at the end of the month.

Now I just have to arrange for my local monitoring, for the mock cycle/HSG and the actual cycle. I pretty much know which clinic I want to use I just have to see how much it's going to cost and if they're able/willing to do it.

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.
Mark Twain

Saturday, October 11, 2008

No News

Nothing new to report, same old same. I'm doing horribly keeping up w/ the 365 challenge so I may make it a once a week thing and do 1 pic a week. I may do a wordless wednesday and post a pic every weds.

I'm still waiting to hear from Pati, she knows we don't plan to cycle until Spring so I'm sure it's not a huge priority. I'm going to call weds if she hasn't called by then. I want to be sure we can do the mock cycle and shg next month. For that to work I need to be sure to have talked to her and arrange it by the end of the month.

Basically I'm just waiting right now. but lots to keep me busy.

My other pregnant co-worker went into labor last week and had her little boy. They're both doing well, no problems. I'm happy for her, she's such a sweet person it's easier to deal w/ than w/ the boss. I'm just SO ready for it to be me.

"Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want."
Geoffrey F. Abert

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

365 (6)

We had a lunch for Banks' cousin's high school graduation and this was the centerpiece, I liked it so I took a picture.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

365 (5)

Another pic from last summer, at my grandparents lakehouse. I really liked the image of the flip flops piled together.

Monday, October 6, 2008

365 (4)

This is from last summer, It's Banks and my nieces, my cousin/sister stepdaughters. I absolutely LOVE this picture.

p.s.Sorry I'm late w/ this, internet went down and I couldn't post.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

365 (3)

Banks' cousin had this on her mirror, I thought it was such an awesome piece of scripture that I took a picture.
It's also incredibly relavent to my situation right now.

Saturday, October 4, 2008


Still waiting for Pati to call, I'm so excited and can't wait. It's really allright, I wouldn't be able to start the mock cycle until the end of the month anyway so no biggie, I'm just being impatient.

It's getting so much closer and I'm so excited about that. Time is going much easier w/ things to check off each month. Then once I've done mock cycle SHG it'll be the holidays and I'll be busy and distracted until January, then it'll just be a few months until we start if things go according to plan.

Our godson (Munch) and his dad (J) stayed w/ us last night and I'm babysitting this afternoon while the guys go to the football game. Munch's mom is oot for the weekend so I volunteered to babysit so J wouldn't have to take him to the game. Munch is so adorable and I'm really glad that robbie (furbaby) is good w/ him. Robbie let him chase him and mess w/ him most of the evenning w/o any reaction at all.

Anyway, a nice quiet weekend ahead and I'm looking forward to it!

“Between the wish and the thing life lies waiting."

365 (2)

Here's our adorable godson trying to play w/ the vcr. They're down visiting for the night and I caught this on film. He loves anything with buttons he can push or play with.

Friday, October 3, 2008

365 (1)

I've decided to do the 365 photo challenge and post a pic I took everyday for a year

What? I'm just taking a nap.

I thought this picture of our furbaby was too funny and it would be a good start to the photo challenge.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

I'm P**sed

I can't believe this article

Does she really think any of us doing DE wouldn't prefer to have a child the old fashioned way? Does she really think we care so much about our child's eye color that we'd give up our genetic link if we had a choice?

As I heard it put de isn't even 2nd choice it's third, 1st would be a romantic get away w/ DH 2nd would be IVF w/ our eggs and 3rd is giving up our genetic link and going forward w/ DE.

I'm so thankful to have the chance to be pregnant but if I had a choice of course I'd rather just get pregnant. The fact that I went through POF and can't does not mean that I want a "designer" baby. I want a baby whether it's red, blue, or polka dotted I don't care.

I wish journalists would be more responsible about reporting on DE IVF and actually listen to the stories we have to tell. I don't think any of us would choose this root if we had another viable option. It's a long hard road and totally worth it in the end but not one that any of us take lightly.

Gimme Three Steps

Banks and I had our phone consult bright and early yesterday and it went well. Dr. K was nice and he answered all our questions, except a couple I forgot to ask. I was comfortable w/ his answers and how he responded. I feel like CNY is a good fit for us in our situation.

I wish their success rates were higher of course but the success rates are ok and the price includes fet's for the firs year so I just have to cross my fingers that we have some frozens. The big perk is the payment plan and the price. We'd be able to afford to move onto adoption alot sooner b/c the cost is lower and we won't have to take out a loan or a heloc to afford it thanks to the payment plan.

My big fear is us putting all our eggs in the de ivf basket, pun intended ;) , and not being able to afford an adoption any time soon. Since we won't have to take out a loan/heloc we can reserve some resources to pursue adoption that much sooner. That makes me feel MUCH better about taking a chance on de. It's important to me to try de ivf first but my focus is on becoming a mom.

So now we wait for the de coordinator to get in touch about setting up my mock cycle and shg. We'll also discuss what we want in a donor. So we've made more progress and I'm happy.

It's much easier to wait when I'm actually doing something. I'm a little worried about the stretch from January to March/April when we won't be doing much of anything but I figure at that point it'll be getting so close I can just be counting down to the cycle and focusing on pre-cycle stuff. At least I hope so.

Gimme three steps, Gimme three steps, mister
Gimme three steps toward the door.
Lynyrd Skynyrd

Thursday, September 25, 2008

One Step

We got our blood test back and everything is what it should be! Banks is O+ and I'm A+ (which I knew but didn't have documentation of). We're waiting for Banks' SA results but other than that his testing is done.

Our phone consult w/ CNY is set for Weds. 10/1. I can't wait! I'm so excited to have that scheduled. It'll be done and we'll be ready to cycle as soon as Banks is or in march/april whichever comes first.

It's silly but I keep hoping Banks'll change his mind and want to cycle sooner. But really an April transfer is good and we won't have to worry as much about weather messing up our flights to NY.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


I'm so excited we have completed our bloodwork, s.a., and my pap and swabs. Progress is being made. I'm anxiously awaiting the call to set up our phone consult but I heard through the grapevine that there isn't any real wait. That makes me happy. It'll be nice to have the red tape out of the way and know that we can move forward when we're ready.
I have to put the donor profiles off limits though, it's not helping w/ the waiting. There's a donor I like for various reasons and I'm worried that if we put ourselves on her list she'll be available before or after Banks wants to cycle, so I'm trying to keep an open mind but it's easier to avoid it for now. I've gone through it and narrrowed it down to ones who basically fit what we're looking for, when we get closer I'll ask for more info and see about specifics of previous cycles and see what Banks thinks.
On top of all this Boss' water broke this morning so she's out for at least 6 weeks, and hopefully 12!
So all in all this is shaping up to be a good week.

Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress.
Thomas A. Edison

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Walking on Sunshine

I'm looking forward to this week.
First we have our testing on Monday! Not looking forward to the actual sticks, etc. but I'm excited to check it off the list.

Second, I'm working at the other location all week so no boss! Hopefully after this week she'll be out on maternity leave for a bit and by the time she's back I'll have had a nice break. W/ a little luck my patience will have time to return and by the time she gets to me again we'll be getting close to our cycle and I'll be in a more agreeable mood.

I'm also excited that we should have a date for our phone consult sometime this week! It feels so good to check these things of 1 by 1. It just feels like things are FINALLY coming together.

and don't it feel good!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Please Mr. Postman

So paperwork is completed, pic printed, and are all ready to be mailed tomorrow. Once the clinic receives them the de coordinator will call to set up the phone consult.

So we should have an appointment by this time next week. At least if the mail isn't ridiculously delayed. That'll be just around the time we have the dr's appointment. We should have our bloodwork and Bank's SA done, and should be able to schedule my sis/shg the next week. So things are moving along!!

The phone consult should be sometime in the next month or so. Once we have the consult I'll focus on donor selection. I have to hold off till January to request unless they're currently matched.

Anyway, things are good and I can't wait! It feels so good to actually be doing something about cycling. I'm glad progress is being made.

(C'mon deliver the letter, the sooner the better)Mister Postman

Sunday, September 14, 2008


I added the follower gadget so add yourself if you want!

plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose*

Banks and I talked some more this weekend and now we're movin up the initial consult! I'm going to call Monday and schedule it, hopefully have the consult by the end of October. After that we're just going to coast until spring and plan to cycle in April.

I guess Banks was worried that we'd move to quickly if we went ahead and did the consult, but after we talked and agreed on when we'd cycle he felt better about it. It was Jojobee's suggestion and I'm glad I brought it up w/ Banks. I can't believe it 7 months until we cycle! It seems so far away but it'll pass quickly I'm sure.

I feel so much better knowing all the details. I know when we're doing each of the steps which really helps. I think a lot of my unhappiness was from the uncertainty of the situation.

I guess this isn't a big change, hence the title of this post, but it feels ore official and settled now which is a big help.

*translation: The more things change, the more they stay the same

Friday, September 12, 2008

Turn! Turn! Turn!

Things are clicking along slowly but surely. I spoke w/ my RE and we should be getting the tests done pretty soon. Blood Tests, Pap, etc. on the 22nd and the HSG/SIS as soon as my cycle allows. I made a spread sheet of the things we have to do before we cycle and I can't wait to start checking them off!

We had a wonderful visit w/ my family over Labor Day weekend it was great to have a nice long weekend w/ them.

We're almost down to 16 weeks!! I'm so ready to FINALLY get moving on this. I also set up a spreadsheet of the donors to make it easier to keep track of what I think of each of them. Since the DE coordinator said that we could request a donor a few months before we want to cycle I want to be ready w/ our preferences when we get in touch w/ them. I clearly have way to much time on my hands to play w/ excel.

The only downer is Banks won't say when he wants to cycle. I did talk him into considering calling before Christmas. If we call then we should be able to have our consult in January I can start my mock cycle at the end of the month and be ready to cycle in March/April if Banks agrees and everything goes smoothly. That would mean possibly (if we're lucky and it works) having a christmas/new year's baby. I'd rather start sooner of course but I can live w/ that schedule.

I'm at a good place right now and am just focusing on getting the testing taken care of so that we're ready to move forward asap! I'll feel so much better once the red tape is out of the way and we're clear to cycle when we want to.

I'm looking forward to the new year, But I'm trying to focus on the here and now. Some days are better than others. Today is a good day and I'm looking forward to a nice quiet weekend spent w/ Banks.

To everything (turn, turn, turn)There is a season (turn, turn, turn)And a time for every purpose, under heaven
Turn! Turn! Turn!

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Stalag 17

Things are much better then they were. Banks and I talked and we're starting the testing in October and then scheduling the 1st consult in January. Banks also promised no more changing the date. So roughly 17 weeks before we set up the 1st consult, and yes I have a countdown going on my calendar. I'm adding a ticker too!

I'm more comfortable w/ that, when we start the process it'll just be finding the right donor, and syncing up. I do feel better about that so that's good. I also talked to CNY fertility and the de coordinator said she could hold a donor for us a few months out if I let her know. That helps too.

So best guess we'll be cycling in April. Way later then I wanted but I"m coming to terms w/ it. I'm guessing first consult in Feb. maybe there'll be a cancellation and we'll get in sooner. Maybe I'll get lucky and things will move more quickly then I expect.

We sort of hope you'd laugh yourselves to death
Stalag 17

Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

It's been a good, bad, and ugly week.

The good:
My BFF came to visit and we had a wonderful visit. It was so great to see her and catch up. W/ her living so far away we don't get to see eachother very often and it's a blast when we catch up.

Banks and I saw our godson last saturday and this friday and he really recognized me. It was so cool, he looked at me and then got this huge smile on his face. I got to spend time w/ him and it was so fun.

My birthday, we met 4 of our friends and godson for a lovely dinner and it was really great.

I'm transferring at work so I'll only see the boss 2 days a week!

The Bad
Turning 27, for some reason this has hit me really hard it's crazy b/c I don't really think that's old it's just throwing me for a loop for some reason.

It hit me that we won't be cycling for at least 8 months, it's not easy to think about that.

The Ugly
I totally pouted thursday night. I was in such a bad mood about the not cycling that I didn't want to be around anyone. I read The Other Boleyn Girl and just vegged. I felt much better Friday but I"m still not 100% yet.
The worst part is not being able to talk to Banks about it. He's my best friend and we talk about everything, it's hard not to discuss this w/ him. I know if he knew how much this bothers me he'd move it up just to make me happy. I want him to want it as much as I do and not go through w/ it b/c it's what I want. It would be so much easier if I could push a fast forward button and just skip to January or even better April. I'm just ready to get moving on this and have a family all ready. I keep trying to focus and it doesn't get much easier.

Blah, at least I have a wonderful husband, great friends and family, and an adorable godson to spoil in the meantime. I have to keep myself focused on the goodstuff...

The world is divided into two kinds of people, those who have friends and those who are lonely
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Breaking Dawn (Spoilers)

I've been meaning to do a review of this since last weekend and jsut now have a chance to write out my thoughts.

1) the wedding rocked, I loved it! It was sweet and romantic and just lovely.

2) The intimate, very much inferred, moments between B&E after the wedding were really well done.

Given that these are young adult novels I didn't expect descriptive writing but she managed to convey the

emotions very well.

3) I liked the surprise turn of Bella getting pregnant, I didn't see it coming b/c Stepehnie Meyer had all put stated that vampires couldn't get pregnant, she didn't rule out male vampires impregnating human women, which I didn't catch at the time.

4) HATED the name Renesmee, it was just too weird for me.

5) I liked that in the end Bella saved everyone, it was a nice change from her needing to be saved.

6) I was cool w/ Jake imprinting on Renesmee, it does wrap things up neatly.

7) Didn't think the pregnancy/delivery stuff was that bad, it was rough but I was w/ Bella on that decision. Perhaps for personal reasons.

I know a lot of fans weren't pleased w/ it for various reasons, but for me I liked that everything was tied up in a neat little bow. I liked that B&E got to have a child. Bella was willing to give up her chance at having children to be w/ Edward but it was really cool that they got to share that experience. I guess given how badly I want children I like that they got that as part of their happy ending.

"Why am I covered with feathers?" Bella, Breaking Dawn

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Banks and I went to church this morning, and the topic of the sermon "In God's time." Incredibly appropriate and really hit home, I was starting to get a little antsy about waiting again.

It was exactly what I needed to hear to be at peace, really at peace, with waiting till January. I just kept wondering and worrying but I feel like we're meant to wait until January and that I just need to be patient and have faith.

I feel so much better about it all now. So I feel good about having our consult in January, and cycling asap after that. I really hope it doesn't take more than 3 months, but I just have to relax and go along for the ride I guess!

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes
well you just might find
You get what you need
Rolling Stones

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Don't Worry Be Happy

This is looking like it's going to be a great weekend!

First Jojobee has some great news. Which is so awesome, I'm so very happy for her and her dh.

Second our 2nd anniversary is next week and we're going to dinner to celebrate tomorrow. I have to say our first 2 years of marriage have been amazingly happy. I honestly can't imagine my life w/o Banks b/c he's my perfect counter balance. He's a much lighter funnier person then I am and he keeps me from getting to bogged down in planning and worrying. I on the other hand keep him grounded and focused. He really is my perfect mate.

3rd Breaking Dawn is being released on Saturday! Not that this ranks anywhere near the other 2, it's just something I'm incredibly excited about. I'm so beyond obsessed w/ the books in the Twilight saga. All three really draw you in, even New Moon which is incredibly sad and makes you ache for Bella. I think one of the reasons that I love these books so much is Bella and Edward fall in love at first sight, which is what happened to Banks and I.

I actually had a girls' night w/ friends last weekend and a group of us couldn't resist discussing our theories and thoughts about the series, as we had all read them. The books are completely addictive and I recommend them to anyone w/ time to kill, you won't want to put them down once you start Twilight.

Also I weighed, unofficially, this morning and I'm down .5 lb. Which I'm totally happy w/ so all in all I think this is shaping up to be a terrific weekend!

don't worry, it will soon pass whatever it is,don't worry, be happy,i'm not worried
Bob Marley

Friday, July 25, 2008


"The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed. "

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Color the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your blog so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling {love this series}
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible -- parts of it
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott {I read this about once a year for a decade, I LOVE it}
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini (so depressing, yet so engrossing)
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery {I read all of them years ago, really enjoyed them}
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan -- {read it, but it was kind of depressing}
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel (loved it)
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad {for AP English, didn't like it}
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute {for some reason I think I started this but didn't finish it}
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

A room without books is like a body without a soul.
Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC)

My reality

I have 6 months to get myself in shape and ready to move on w/ the DE process. I really want to loose 10 lbs, at least, by September, so I'm going to track it here so I have some accountability for staying on track.

I guess I shouldn't call it a diet, really I'm just going to improve my eating habits, less unhealthy snacking more fruits and veggies. Try not to overeat, that sort of thing.

Hopefully it'll help me feel like I'm doing something towards starting the de cycle by giving me something to work on in the mean time.

10 lbs is less than a 1 lb a week which is really easy, I just have to stay on my plan. I just do better when I have to weigh in ala Weight Watchers.

Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.

Ralph Marston

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Chasing Butterflies

It's been insanely busy lately here in chance land which is good and bad. Good b/c the weeks are flying by and that's great; bad b/c there is too much to do and not enough time to do it.

I really can't wait for January to get here so we can have our first appointment and get moving on a de cycle. It hasn't been easy adjusting to pushing it back by 5/6 months. I feel strongly that we need to do it on a schedule that Banks is comfortable w/ it's just not always easy waiting. I'm thinking we already have one month down, I just have to focus on the little bits of time that are passing and not the total amount ahead.

Our friends stayed w/ us last weekend and brought their 14 month old. He's such a doll, he's a really good baby and so sweet. It made it a little harder on the waiting front but oddly enough not the IF front. Watching them w/ him just made me want that for us even more and that didn't help my impatience at all. Seeing him toddle around, chasing the dog, trying to play w/the controller. Not to mention he's a total mamma's boy and the way they are together just made me envious. I want what they have, me and Banks, and our child who's happy and healthy and loved. I'm ready for the changes that'll bring and want them. Banks just isn't there yet and that means staying patient for a while.

You can chase a butterfly all over the field and never catch it. But if you sit quietly in the grass it will come and sit on your shoulder.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Thankful for my cup

I decided I needed a thankful Thursday so here it goes.

-I'm thankful for my wonderful husband, I'm so lucky I found him. I don't know what I'd do w/o his love and support.

-I'm thankful that we had a wonderful visit w/ Mom and Pops. It was a lot of fun.

- I'm thankful that I have such awesome In-Laws

-I'm thankful that we get to spend Friday on the lake w/ friends! It's going to be a great day.

- I'm thankful for the armed service personnel who make sacrifices so that we're all safe here at home.

- I'm thankful that it's going to be a beautiful day!

"When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup." Sam Lefkowitz

Thursday, June 26, 2008

9 to 5

So now that we're set for beginning our de journey in January my plan for the job situation is screwed.

When we were going to start the process in August I was going to tough it out until around the edd or bed rest and then quit to sah. Now however that is so not an option the idea of staying at this job for year and a half (roughly) is absolutely unbearable. I won't be able to take it for that much longer. Part of me wants to stick w/ the staying until next June or so but the other part of me is thinking why? Especially since cycling would be so much easier if I didn't have to deal w/ getting time off.

I need to tough it out until after we get started to give us the extra income and to have some of the tests covered. After that I don't know what I'm going to do. If I wasn't set on being a sahm I'd look for another job ASAP so that I'd be covered by FMLA in time. Since I want to sah I'd feel really bad job hunting when I know I'm not going to be there that long. At least this job is easy to fill and I won't be leaving anyone in the lurch when I leave so I won't be burning any bridges.

I may see about going back to subbing, which I did when we were first married and I was job hunting. Also it gives me a lot of flexibility as far as cycling goes. I'm thinking the plan will be to stay w/ it until after the cycle, and once I know what the result is make a decision. If I'm not ku then I'll job hunt while we figure things out and if I am, I can see how I feel at that point about staying until maternity leave starts.

Working nine to five/what a way to make living/Barely getting by/it's all taking and no giving./They just use your mind/and they never give you credit/It's enough to drive you crazyif you let it.
Dolly Parton

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


So here at the Chance household we're having lots of visitors. We live about 5 hrs from my family so we don't see them that often. Usually we travel to see them but this time they're coming here. So I thought this was a good time to discuss my family.

My dad and his girlfriend came this past weekend and we actually had a nice visit. Nothing terribly exciting but just a pleasent weekend. It was nice b/c my dad can be difficult. I love him very much but the man can be very self invovlved. We saw the in-laws as well which was fun.

Mom and Pops (stepdad) are coming this weekend and I'm looking forward to that as well. I absolutely love them to bits and I love seeing them. I'm so stressing though b/c mom can be a little critical particularly when it comes to housekeeping. She expects that because she worked and kept a perfect house everyone should. So I'll be spending a lot of time spring cleaning.

I also have 2 older brothers and B a cousin who was raised with us so I had a big family and I loved it. I'd love to have 4 kids, I just don't see that happening for us. My brothers are awesome and I love them to death. B is my beloved olde sister, even when she's a drama queen.

Then there are the unofficial family members. My godmother and her family are a huge part of our family. They're part of why the dna part of de doesn't really bother me. They aren't blood relations but I'm closer to them then my actual aunts and cousins.

My family is very close and I love them all more than anything but at times it takes a lot to deal with them

I have to admit that as much as I love my family I'm glad we live near Banks' family. I absolutely LOVE my in-laws. They have always been wonderful to me and made me a part of the family. I'm really lucky when it comes to in-laws.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


So after being excited about getting close to cycling Banks and I talked and he wants to wait until January.
I would never pressure him to move forward before he's ready so we're back to waiting. Another 6 months plus but it's important that we both be ready for this 100%.

He had some good reasons for waiting, the extra time will give us more of a cushion financially for a cycle, we'll have more time off from work, and it'll be a great way to start the year.

He seems so much more excited about it when I said waiting was fine. I know he wants kids as badly as I do but I think he just needed a little more time and feels much more positive about it on this timeline. Which is why I want us to be completely on the same page before we start the process, I want him to be as excited as I am.

So while I'm so ready to start the process I feel really good about the new timeline. So I'm going to focus on loosing a few pounds, getting in shape and being physically ready to cycle for the next while. It feels really good to have a plan that we both completely agree on and now we're moving forward, if a little slower than originally planned.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
John Lennon

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Patience and other things

I am probably one of the least patient people on the planet. I have a really hard time waiting for things to happen, like our first RE de cycle appointment. I swear when we talked about when to cycle in December and settled on starting the process in August it seemed like forever and now it's just a couple of months. I'm pretty proud of myself because I've kept the impatience at a minimum during the last 6 months.

I'm getting so excited and nervous now that it's getting closer. Hopefully nothing changes the timeline and we talk/see the RE in August.

As it gets closer I'm getting terrified something will go wrong and we won't be able to cycle or I won't get pregnant. We haven't had any testing done since we're going straight to de we decided to wait since the tests are required to cycle anyway, why risk having to do them twice.

I'm worried about the wait from the initial appointment to the actual cycle also, it could be 6 months or more before everything is lined up and we can cycle, or it could be 3 months from start to beta. I'm worried it'll take us forever to find a donor that we like that is available, or we wait for a donor and she ends up not wanting to do another cycle, or something will go wrong w/ the cycle and it gets canceled

Then there is the big fear, I end up not getting pregnant. That's the thing I fear most, well that or a miscarriage. Going through all the meds, shots, and procedures, not to mention the money and not having a baby. I know we'd either do a fet or move on to adoption but I really hope it works the first time.
It's going to be really hard if it doesn't and that scares me.

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours. Henry David Thoreau

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I Would Die for That, part II

So, now I feel really bad. My boss is having seriously pre-term contractions. I was wrong about how far along she is, she's only 24 weeks, not 25 weeks, so it's incredibly serious that's she's having contractions. She went to the ER this morning and was admitted after having pains since yesterday.

They've given her meds and now all that can be done is hope and pray. If you pray say one for her and her baby boy. I'm really hoping everything turns out allright.

To pray is to pay attention to something or someone other than oneself.
W. H. Auden

The contractions stopped and my boss was released this morning!

Friday, June 6, 2008

I Would Die for That

So I have a job I really don't like but the extra income is really going to help us afford our de cycle or adoption so I'm stuck here for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, my boss is a b*%#@. The big kicker is she's pregnant which normally just makes me wistful, maybe envious, but w/ her it bothers me. Another co-worker that I work closely with is pregnant and I don't feel this way with her so I don't think it's baby envy.

The hardest part is she is such a negative person, she just seems SO unhappy. I try not to judge other people, how do I know what their real lives are like. It's hard w/ her b/c I would die to be in her shoes. She's pregnant w/ a healthy baby boy and no complications so far (25 weeks +), and she just seems so unhappy and negative. It drives me crazy.

At times I just want to shake her and say, do you have any idea how many women would give anything to be pregnant, much less have a steady job, a (as far as I can tell) good husband and the life you have. I try to make allowances for the fact that there might be things I don't know about her life that explain why she is just so negative but it's hard.

It would be one thing if she was moaning about not sleeping or other pregnancy problems but it's like she has no joy in her life. How can you have this miracle occuring inside you and not feel joy? I might could understand if it had been unexpected but it wasn't, they were ttc.

I'm also a fairly optimistic person who tends to battle through by looking at the positive so maybe it's a personality thing. But I swear at times it's like she thinks the world is coming to an end or something. It's just hard, here I am praying I'll be able to experience what she is and instead of enjoying and celebrating it and letting it lift her spirits she's still the same mean spirited and negative person as always.

To end on a positive note, it's the weekend and I'm going to enjoy it!

But I would die for that./Just to have one chance/To hold in my hands/ All that she had./I would die for that.

I Woud Die for That
Kellie Coffey

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


I'm starting this blog to keep a record of my life as we try to become parents. I'm not 100% sure what that path will be. We hope to become parents via egg donation but if that doesn't happen we're open to pursuing adoption.

I want this blog to be anonymous, so I can vent as needed, so I'll use nicknames for everyone, I'll be Hope, my darling husband (dh) will be Banks, and others will be added as needed.

A little of my story, I was diagnosed with Turner Syndrome shortly after birth which was very lucky for me. I started growth hormone shots at 7, as well as synthroid for hypothyroidism.

I met my husband while we were in college and we have been hapily married for almost 22 months. He is a truly amazing man and I am so lucky to have found him. He is so supportive and loving and even on my worst day he can make me smile.

What is Turner syndrome? Turner syndrome (TS) is a chromosomal condition that describes girls and women with common features that are caused by complete or partial absence of the second sex chromosome. The syndrome is named after Dr. Henry Turner, who was among the first to describe its features in the 1930s. TS occurs in approximately 1 in2,000 live female births and in as many as 10% of all miscarriages.
taken from the turner syndrome society website

Our plan is to have our first appointment with an RE to start working on a de cycle in August and we hope to cycle in October/November. It could take a while to get everything arranged so we realize it might be more like February before we actually cycle.

So that's where I'm at right now, I'm looking forward to whatever this next year brings and hope to share it here.