Friday, June 6, 2008

I Would Die for That

So I have a job I really don't like but the extra income is really going to help us afford our de cycle or adoption so I'm stuck here for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, my boss is a b*%#@. The big kicker is she's pregnant which normally just makes me wistful, maybe envious, but w/ her it bothers me. Another co-worker that I work closely with is pregnant and I don't feel this way with her so I don't think it's baby envy.

The hardest part is she is such a negative person, she just seems SO unhappy. I try not to judge other people, how do I know what their real lives are like. It's hard w/ her b/c I would die to be in her shoes. She's pregnant w/ a healthy baby boy and no complications so far (25 weeks +), and she just seems so unhappy and negative. It drives me crazy.

At times I just want to shake her and say, do you have any idea how many women would give anything to be pregnant, much less have a steady job, a (as far as I can tell) good husband and the life you have. I try to make allowances for the fact that there might be things I don't know about her life that explain why she is just so negative but it's hard.

It would be one thing if she was moaning about not sleeping or other pregnancy problems but it's like she has no joy in her life. How can you have this miracle occuring inside you and not feel joy? I might could understand if it had been unexpected but it wasn't, they were ttc.

I'm also a fairly optimistic person who tends to battle through by looking at the positive so maybe it's a personality thing. But I swear at times it's like she thinks the world is coming to an end or something. It's just hard, here I am praying I'll be able to experience what she is and instead of enjoying and celebrating it and letting it lift her spirits she's still the same mean spirited and negative person as always.

To end on a positive note, it's the weekend and I'm going to enjoy it!

But I would die for that./Just to have one chance/To hold in my hands/ All that she had./I would die for that.

I Woud Die for That
Kellie Coffey

1 comment:

alohajo said...

I'm so sorry you see her going through that. It's really tough, isn't it? Some people just don't get it. You WILL have your amazing precious miracle and you WILL have so much more joy! You will LOVE that little miracle with all that you have inside of you and you will NOT take your future pregnancy or child for granted! I guess that's what those who go through IF feel. I feel that when I get to hold my little miracle, I will be the most BLESSED person to walk this earth! You will too! :) Maybe pray for her ( I will)... She might need some prayer in her life, you never know. I feel exactly the same way with my SIL. It's hard.