Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Here we go again...

My freak out about this cycle has started, the reality that this will be our last attempt at pregnancy (at least until after we adopt. We may or may not try again after that) hit hard over T-giving.

JK was very pregnant (34 weeks) and Banks’ cousin announced her pregnancy, fortunately we only found out via phone. It was hard watching JK and her adorable baby belly for most of the day and it made me very jealous when it hit me that I may never experience carrying our baby.

Banks’ cousin’s announcement was a surprise (sort of) they are/were dealing w/ IF as well so I’m really happy that they’re on the other side now but it still hurts. I want to experience that so very badly.

Getting hit by both really brought it home that this is it for the foreseeable future I’m trying to stay positive and imagine announcing our pregnancy at Christmas but it’s so hard.

On the upside I do feel good about moving on one way or the other come January. It’ll be very nice to get off this rollercoaster, granted adoption is as bad or worse but w/ that we know that at the end we’ll be parents. I keep reminding myself that I will be a mom one way or another and come January we’ll know which path we’re taking. I am looking forward to a fresh start in 2010, either expecting or working on adoption.

Oh, lining check is on Friday so we'll see if this cycle is a go then!


ks and jd said...

What is it about November?! Every where I turned people were announcing their pregnancies, or about ready to pop!

November was poop! Don't get yourself down. You've got a great plan in place... I hope Friday's check goes great! Nice, thick, fluffy thoughts for you! Chin Up honey! Positive thinking FET's can work!

Riley said...

Good luck! I so know what you mean about just wanting to know what direction you are heading in - I'm hoping it's pregnancy for you and that you'll be the one with the big announcement at Christmas!

Nicole said...

I completely know your anxiety and I'm so sorry for that extra pressure. On our FET we/I had decided that I would NEVER do IVF again and that if the FET didn't work we would adopt and relinquish all hope of ever having biological children. Seeing pregnancy women and thinking about how it's unlikely that I'll ever know that feeling... oh it breaks you. Crazy hurt. But one thing IF has taught me is to never say never... because here we are recently post IVF #3 (who've thought? yes it took me two years to work up the courage, but I did it) with a BFP!
Hopefully this one will work for you and you can have that wonderful Christmas announcement you dream of!!
But I enjoyed your good outlook about a fresh start come January with a pregnancy or adoption. It will help carry you through the emotionalness of this FET, with hope at the end of the tunnel no matter the result. GOOD LUCK!!!

Rachel said...

My lining check is Friday too! I am sure both of our appointments will go well.

skrambled said...

Good luck for this cycle. I certainly hope it works for you.

embieadoptmom said...

YAY for the lining check! You're getting closer!